The Search For A Boyfriend

Well, in two days I am releasing my new blog...

I have thought about it for quite a while...

I am kind of wondering now if it is a good idea or not...

I have passed from happy about it, to scared, to excited, to afraid... 

and on and on... 

and so many times, that now I give a damn... 

I just gotta do it.

All this situation has, again, awaken rage on me...

I don't know why, or towards what...

I just know that I have a huge storm inside me...

A twister is taking place, and I don't know how my inner Self will look like when the storm is over.

I just want to call out and receive a hand back.

I want the hand of a lover to be the one I see...

And the lover is not here...

I am tired of reaching out with no answers...

I am bored of being publicly available and wait for something to happen...

For someone to approach...

I hate waiting lines...

I will reach out louder... regardless of what that can mean later on.

In two days I will launch a blog that clearly states that 

"I am looking for a boyfriend in Lisbon!"

Or should I say that I am looking forward to be found by a boyfriend?

It does not matter, really...

I will go out there with my blog, will post who I am, what I am looking for, and will make sure that every gay guy in Lisbon gets to read my blog...

I will also be looking for advise from friends in what to do next...

It will be a journey...

I hope my friends make me company, I will need you!

I also hope the journey ends up in a happy ending.

2 days, just 2 more...

I'm shaking...

But I am moving ahead...

[I have made this post so that there is no way back]

Looking forward; very, very much...

Dey

PS: The video relates to the rage that I am feeling.... and the things that I feel like screaming out to the world right now... 

PS2: I love my extremes and my passionate way to face my emotional states!

VIDEO URL.

Afraid Of Me
TWIZTID

[Chorus x2]
I'm so
Hidden and you're never gonna see
I'm cold
Forgiven all because of my beliefs
I'm no
Body that you ever wanna be
Cause I know that the world is afraid of me

[Monoxide Child]
Now you can try to sedate me, assassinate or just hate me
But there's nothing that you can do to me lately
Now I'm greatly accepted in the mind so I'm confused and intertwined
From being rejected so many times, I wanna leave it all behind
So kind of you to pick up the album and give it a try for once
And run and tell your homies that these motherfuckers will die for us

So many questions, fingers pointing for answers
Suggesting that I'm the cancer that lingers inside the pasture
With green grass up to my neck, and situations that's too fast
To think about and most people can't dream about
A hundred million miles and every single second
And every time you hear this record I want you to feel me on every sentence
Reminisce from descendants of past treasures
We'll embark on a journey that'll stay alive forever
Plus I would stand over on my side of the fence
Regardless of the circumstances or the consequences

[Chorus x2]
I'm so
Hidden and you're never gonna see
I'm cold
Forgiven all because of my beliefs
I'm no
Body that you ever wanna be
Cause I know that the world is afraid of me

[Jamie Madrox]
I am my own worst enemy
I'm not the smartest motherfucker and shit, I don't pretend to be
And why I am the way I am is not a mystery
My mind's not in proper working order or in therapy
The brain's confused and mentally abused
Life's been hanging on a string so what the fuck I got to loose?
And what the fuck I got to prove to you?
If you don't know me by now, you'll never know me
You can put that on my real homies
I got problems and they stack like bills
And I relate to the broken, bleeding heart love killed
And I awaited in the shadows, awake in the dark
Hoping to talk to the passed on, I'm falling apart
I'm such a mess and decisive, I'm fading away
I'm out of touch with society and living today
Never relying on my sanity, I threw it away
To become the maniac that's got your attention today

[Chorus x2]
I'm so
Hidden and you're never gonna see
I'm cold
Forgiven all because of my beliefs
I'm no
Body that you ever wanna be
Cause I know that the world is afraid of me

[Monoxide Child]
Can you keep a secret?
Well I'm afraid world because they want me to die, can you believe it?
But I'm still alive... and been floating since '95
With my chin held high but I'm so dead inside
Let the problems just roll and put them back into a pile
Because it's just a bunch of shit that I can't deal with right now
And I'm tired of always guessing and messing it up again
And the next day it's even deeper and I'm steady sinking in

[Jamie Madrox]
I took a look at myself and came to grips with what I found
It was a vision of a child, disturbed and broke down
No soul, no heart because I gave it away
No time for feeling sorry, I'll grieve another day
And all those tears are stored in storm clouds
That hover above me and cover the ugly
Continued to haunt me when I was feeling low
That's the same reason I hold on and never let go

[Chorus x4]
I'm so
Hidden and you're never gonna see
I'm cold
Forgiven all because of my beliefs
I'm no
Body that you ever wanna be
Cause I know that the world is afraid of me

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